Domestic violence is more common than you realize
Of all the crime reported in Canada in 2016, over one quarter was the result of family violence,according to the Government of Canada, and 79 percent was committed against women. But myths about who it happens to and what it looks like can prevent victims from seeking help, warnsRuth Glenn, the Coalitions president and CEO. Heres what women need to know.
Its not always physical
Domestic violence may literally have the word “violence” in its name, but problems extend way beyond just physical assaultso yes, even if youre not being hit, it can still be abuse. Its about how much power and control they can have over someone, says Glenn. Power and control can be exerted over someone in a number of ways, which is why domestic abuse doesnt have a single definition and it takes multiple forms.Abusecan be economic (controlling all of the finances), emotional, sexual, or may involve isolation, coercion, threats, and more.
Cultural norms make women more vulnerable
Its not necessarily because men tend to be bigger than womenand thus overpower them. It goes deeper than that, says Glenn. My theory is that its based on cultural norms and patriarchy, she says. On some level, its been okay for men to behave more aggressively, for example, or women have been taught to more readily serve the needs of men, which is one reason domestic violence is more prevalent among men.
Young women are at the greatest risk
You dont have to be marriedor even living togetherfor abuse to be an issue. Domestic violence happens between the ages of 17 to 24 more prominently than any other demographic, saysAshley Bendiksen, a certified abuse prevention activistand an abuse survivor herself. Why are young people particularly vulnerable? Lack of dating experience, emotional maturity, and comfort speaking to adults about a bad relationship, she says.
Parents have a lot of pull
If your son or daughter is in early middle school (or older), one of the best things you can do for her is foster an environment of open communication concerning dating. And, model good relationship behaviorsincluding healthy responses to argumentsat home, says Bendiksen. People learn from what they see, which can both set the stage for a lifetime of loving relationships or an understanding that abusive patterns and behaviors are normal.
Leaving isnt easy
This myth that you can just leave if youre being abused can be deadly. The most dangerous time for a domestic violence victim is when she leaves. When people ask why she doesnt just leave, I hope we can remember that important fact, says Glenn. (Read about why one woman stayed in an abusive relationship.)
You didnt ask for this
Abuse isnt obvious. No one wears a sign that says theyre going to be an abuser. I tell people all the time, we dont get into these relationships because we want to be hurt. We got into them because someone was charming and convinced us that theyd care for and love us, says Glenn, herself a survivor.
Its easy to ignore a few early red flags
While none of this is your fault and you shouldnt shoulder any of the blame, there are red flags, especially if youre entering into a relationship and thinking,is thisokay?Its really hard to identify abusers because they paint themselves too good to be true, says Bendiksen. But if someone wants to spend all of their time with you, checks in often, and wants to constantly keep tabs on where youre going and who youre going out with, explore any uneasy feelings you may be having. Speak with friends and family members; even consider talking to a therapist.
Its normal to believe what your abuser is telling you
Glenn calls it being a prisoner of war. You get told for so long that you dont matter and that no one else will want you, that you cant leave or make it on your own, and eventually you forget who you used to be or who you wanted to be. I tell young people to always remember what you dreamt of being, she says.
You should put yourself first
Amid the brainwashing, you may lose yourself in the relationship. All of my own priorities and goals were pushed aside. For victims, theres an emphasis on self-sacrifice, and we also stop focusing on ourselves, says Bendiksen. I urge women not to forget to put themselves first in a relationship, she says. (This is also an important tip for anyone trying to get over a breakup.)
You can help a loved one
If you know that family member or friend is in a violent situation, Glenn suggests collecting all of the resources you can that will help them devise an exit strategy (including the hotline number, below). Then, speak to them and say, “I think something is happening to you. When and if youre ready to do something about it, Im here and have resources available to share with you.” It opens the door and plants the seed that they can turn to you, she says.
There is confidential help
If you are in a crisis situation, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 18007997233, which is open 24/7/365 and is completely free of charge. If you dont feel comfortable with a phone call or dont know who may be listening, they haveonline chatavailable, too.
Medically reviewed byAshley Matskevich, MD.
The post 12 Things Most People Don’t Realize About Domestic Violence appeared first on Best Health Magazine Canada.